Valentine's Day.

(No, it's not a schmaltzy post)

Some people dread it. Others despise it as yet another method of parting folks from their money. Some of us are soft on it - what harm can it do? And isn’t is always a good thing to spread the love?

Valentine was a Christian martyr back in the days of Rome. He was butchered around 270 AD. As a saint, his feast-day landed about 200 years later, and didn’t start out as a romantic celebration. Not a lot of love in being butchered. But by the early 1500’s, his Christian status had got tangled with the Roman god of love, Cupid. Cupid shoots his arrows blind, as we know, and that image got tangled with another story about Valentine restoring the sight of a young girl.

This celebration-day has been remade and repurposed before. We can carry on this tradition of innovation. One of the (many) things that drive me mad about so-called traditionalists (Tradwives, I am also talking to YOU) is that traditions change. A tradition is a set of beliefs, actions, stories, rituals, passed on down the generations, or through the life of the tribe, most often via religious beliefs. At best, traditions connect us to the past, and that be stabilising in an upturned world. At worst, traditions become fetishes - a dark algorithm where every step has to be followed in the right order , or else.

Or else what? We talked last week about ancient rituals round fire festivals, the original purpose being to encourage the sun to return. We agreed that wasn’t sound science but it was great psychology. Our ancestors were encouraging themselves , not the sun. And it worked. Winter is hard to get through with little food, heat, and light. You need a counterweight. But as times change, and the original purpose becomes less less relevant, we can easily lose parts of tradition that don’t work for us anymore - collectively or more personally. Jesus himself said that you can’t put new wine into old bottles (Luke 5.37). The force of the new will burst out of the old container. The energy is too strong to be held in earlier forms.

This isn’t to say we shouldn’t respect and understand the traditions of the past - many still truly alive. The Jews do this at Passover Seder when the youngest child asks the four questions about the significance of the Feast.

I am never interested in ignorance - too boring. That’s why, when we want to change any tradition, we should understand it before we dismiss it. Investigate its powerlines before we work out how best to move that energy. Sometimes, it’s as simple as someone at home saying, ‘I am not spending my birthday like this just because it’s what we do.’ All traditions, big and small, start somewhere. The Tradwives, staying home and baking all day, are welcome to it, as long as they don’t spout drivel about how this is a ‘traditional’ way to live. As though that gives it some special virtue. It’s a choice not a virtue. Patriarchy - that’s a system where men are more important than women - is not a tradition. It’s an ideology.

Don’t get me wrong here. Women bear a heavy burden in all circumstance. Mothers - single, paired, working, or not, are doing the hardest and most responsible job in the world. If they want to, and are able to stay at home, good for them, but Trad is not a blessed condition everyone should be aspiring to. I don’t want to see motherhood or marriage or commitment get hi-jacked into a sinister endeavour to make women feel bad for working/wanting to work/not baking/not baking in a silly dress with full make-up. That ‘tradition’ starts in the 1950s. In the drive to get women back in the home after their wartime roles. I am sure the 1950s is what JD Vance wants to see in America. At least for women. And there are plenty of women who will help him. Beware ‘traditional’ cosplay.

But here we are and it’s Valentines Day soon. What shall we do with a cheesy tradition that makes a lot of people feel lonely and left-out?

Answer. Spread the love.

You can bake some biscuits, wearing whatever outfit you like, and give them to a friend who is low. You can call your mother and tell her you love her. You can arrange for a few of you to go out to celebrate each other and your friendship. You can mail someone an appreciation for who they are. You can ride the bus or the subway and notice everyone and smile at them. You can reach out to a stranger. Give the poor man some coins or a sandwich. You can agree with your family that February 14 is….

A DAY OF LOVE

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No-one has to do the exclusive couple-y thingy today. Love is open-handed and open-hearted. There is so much love to share. And if you are at odds with someone, angry with someone, feeling hurt by someone, why not use this day to change that?

I am all for taking free energy - and that’s what a tradition can offer - we learn from what’s there and we use it imaginatively.

And if you are alone today find a way to do something with others, however small, like a chat on a park bench, like a dance with your dog, like a lovely meal you cook to celebrate you and your life. We need to love ourselves as well as others.

Maybe just get the neighbours round and give them a kiss. Put Louis Armstrong on the Sonos… I see friends shaking hands saying how d’ya do? They’re really saying, ‘I love you…’

The one thing not to do is nothing. Celebrate St Valentine’s Day this year creatively, cleverly, and with good humour. You will feel a lot better at bedtime.