Nature and books! Yes! JW you speak to my heart. Thankyou. I recently read your memoir and having been a slow reader my whole life I whizzed through this in no time. Struggling to concentrate as I am grieving for only child, my son who died in March from a Brain tumour. Can't thank you enough for taking me away, needless to say I didn't want it to end. My son always focused on what he could do, not what he couldn't. When he couldn't walk he painted and did jigsaws for hours. He was sent to inspire, to teach me. And so were you. (just about to start a diploma in horticulture at the Duchy - no more yes buts for me) P.s have you read Christopher Lloyd, The Well Tempered Garden? Or David Abram The Spell of the Sensuous?
Lovely! And there you go again innocently pronouncing your yogic mastery. One of my favorite Buddhist teachers, Tara Brach, puts it this way: there are two wings to awakening - 1. clear seeing and 2. loving kindness. In other words, listening deeply and gently moving toward what feels true. Just as you said 🧡
Our relationships to ourselves are the foundation for everything else. It is our longest and closest relationship and deserves more of our attention and priority than anything else and that is not selfish. I needed to work on healing and strengthening my relationship with myself (and still do) for a period of many years before I started to see the relationships I had out in the world with others, with my writing, shift into healthier and stronger relationships. The prioritizing of oneself over others, when it has the intent of being part of a larger whole, is not closing oneself off from others in need, it is opening up to all that is now and all that is possible.
Your writings triggered some memories. On hopes, on change, on ghosts.
When I was around fourteen, my parents moved in an apparently shabby house at Fontainebleau. It looked odd at the center of this neat and cosy middle-class town. It looked more like a farm, with a mossy paved courtyard surrounded by barns and a large building set on two levels in a L shape, the smallest part of it running above a medieval porch. It had been abandonned for years and the last residents were chickens. I remember we spent all the summer digging their fossilized shits off the ground and restoring by ourselves the living area before winter. My father was a kind of instinctive builder and the rest of the family assisted him in the different development works. Actually, all passers-by, friends and mere acquaintances, somehow became part of the team. From the start, that place had always been a rallying point, full of passages, of people, of dreams, popping up...
A few years later, it was turned into a cultural place, a theater. And my father in a comedian.
My parents came from a modest background. They had so far managed to grow their career in the Haute-couture but two years after we moved in, my father was suddenly dismissed. he had to go back to school to learn new skills, and how to "sell himself". That is precisely when he caught the theater syndrom and was definitely lost to the market.
Change is about mutiple factors melting together. And I am convinced that one and one does not just make two. The house had a spirtit of its own infused in its walls, my father a motive he was not even aware of yet ; the two brought together made change happen and thrive. Of course, there were other events I will not develop here, but both the house and my father played the role of the cornerstone in their mutual transformation.
We gradually realized that the house was one of the oldest in Fontainebleau, built in the vicinity of the king’s palace in the thirteenth century. At first, a humble shed, it became a hostel, « L’auberge de l’âne vert » named after the habit of putting a green blanket on the donkeys rented to travellers. Numerous people had eaten, drunk, hated, loved, quarelled, cheated, slept and perhaps died in there. More or less illustrious characters who could not lodge in the palace like Le Nôtre, De la Rochefoucauld, Mansart, the poet Régnier, and many more... I like to think that Molière came by.
Triboulet, a famous king’s jester was a regular customer in the fifteenth century. He is believed to have written one of the first French comic plays « la Farce de Maître Pathelin ».
The house was sold long before my father’s death since he moved to Corsica to fulfill another dream but the theater is still running. If you happen to visit Fontainebleau, it is worth a detour.
Uncanny how you always manage to surprise me with insights that find resonance in me. Lately, I've been struggling with a couple of issues and your essay brought me relief and comfort - as much as hope. I like the whole essay, specially the passage at the end of it. Sometimes we emphasize the disadvantages, forgetting the advantages. In other hand, even what looks like a disadvantage, after all might turn out being an advantage in disguise...
PS your Dad must've been really brave, really desperate, really traumatised. Real trauma can devastate the rest of your life. And affect the kids too (as I'm sure you know only too well with your Mum Jeanette...) So good you got out
Very thoughtful JW : ) And I'll try + be brief, no more marathon comments! I too prefer the contemplative life, I think you appreciate it more as you get older. Just peace and quiet, buried deep in books and surrounded by nature. But in a way we're both very lucky (another "yes but"?). And it's good to work towards the life you want. But many people work their guts out their whole lives and never get there. It's a very unfair world, a very hard world. We need to remember that, society is not set up for everyone to achieve their dreams. You're probably thinking "here we go again", I'm not trying to destroy the magic, just being a realist. Enjoy your home life, I know you've worked bloody hard to get there xx
Thank you Jeanette. Really enjoying these posts. In the words of diarist Anne Lister, “Believe all things not unreasonable, and hope all things not impossible.” I love your writing.
Loved reading this - one of the things I’ve always loved about reading is when you identify with a character or situation and understand the world or yourself a little more clearly. I’m a ‘gardener’, not always a successful one, but one who can wait and watch. Your last paragraph really resonated with me too - it put a smile on my face - what more can you ask for…. Thanks for this insightful piece. :)
As a so called ‘late-discovery adoptee’, I loved your book about finding your original parents and about your feelings. They really chimed with me and were/continue to be a great help.
Thank you so much Jeanette Winterson. I inhaled this greedily as soon as it hit my inbox, as it's just what I needed to hear. I'm a Yes But, but I have been a Want It Now person, and I'm working my way back to somewhere in the middle.
Nature and books! Yes! JW you speak to my heart. Thankyou. I recently read your memoir and having been a slow reader my whole life I whizzed through this in no time. Struggling to concentrate as I am grieving for only child, my son who died in March from a Brain tumour. Can't thank you enough for taking me away, needless to say I didn't want it to end. My son always focused on what he could do, not what he couldn't. When he couldn't walk he painted and did jigsaws for hours. He was sent to inspire, to teach me. And so were you. (just about to start a diploma in horticulture at the Duchy - no more yes buts for me) P.s have you read Christopher Lloyd, The Well Tempered Garden? Or David Abram The Spell of the Sensuous?
Oh and loved the Woolf talk so much, Thank you
I’m so happy that you have books and nature because books and nature have given you words and from your words we all benefit. Thank you!
Lovely! And there you go again innocently pronouncing your yogic mastery. One of my favorite Buddhist teachers, Tara Brach, puts it this way: there are two wings to awakening - 1. clear seeing and 2. loving kindness. In other words, listening deeply and gently moving toward what feels true. Just as you said 🧡
Our relationships to ourselves are the foundation for everything else. It is our longest and closest relationship and deserves more of our attention and priority than anything else and that is not selfish. I needed to work on healing and strengthening my relationship with myself (and still do) for a period of many years before I started to see the relationships I had out in the world with others, with my writing, shift into healthier and stronger relationships. The prioritizing of oneself over others, when it has the intent of being part of a larger whole, is not closing oneself off from others in need, it is opening up to all that is now and all that is possible.
So much kindness and grace here. I love magic right at my feet. I find it everyday if I look.
Your writings triggered some memories. On hopes, on change, on ghosts.
When I was around fourteen, my parents moved in an apparently shabby house at Fontainebleau. It looked odd at the center of this neat and cosy middle-class town. It looked more like a farm, with a mossy paved courtyard surrounded by barns and a large building set on two levels in a L shape, the smallest part of it running above a medieval porch. It had been abandonned for years and the last residents were chickens. I remember we spent all the summer digging their fossilized shits off the ground and restoring by ourselves the living area before winter. My father was a kind of instinctive builder and the rest of the family assisted him in the different development works. Actually, all passers-by, friends and mere acquaintances, somehow became part of the team. From the start, that place had always been a rallying point, full of passages, of people, of dreams, popping up...
A few years later, it was turned into a cultural place, a theater. And my father in a comedian.
My parents came from a modest background. They had so far managed to grow their career in the Haute-couture but two years after we moved in, my father was suddenly dismissed. he had to go back to school to learn new skills, and how to "sell himself". That is precisely when he caught the theater syndrom and was definitely lost to the market.
Change is about mutiple factors melting together. And I am convinced that one and one does not just make two. The house had a spirtit of its own infused in its walls, my father a motive he was not even aware of yet ; the two brought together made change happen and thrive. Of course, there were other events I will not develop here, but both the house and my father played the role of the cornerstone in their mutual transformation.
We gradually realized that the house was one of the oldest in Fontainebleau, built in the vicinity of the king’s palace in the thirteenth century. At first, a humble shed, it became a hostel, « L’auberge de l’âne vert » named after the habit of putting a green blanket on the donkeys rented to travellers. Numerous people had eaten, drunk, hated, loved, quarelled, cheated, slept and perhaps died in there. More or less illustrious characters who could not lodge in the palace like Le Nôtre, De la Rochefoucauld, Mansart, the poet Régnier, and many more... I like to think that Molière came by.
Triboulet, a famous king’s jester was a regular customer in the fifteenth century. He is believed to have written one of the first French comic plays « la Farce de Maître Pathelin ».
The house was sold long before my father’s death since he moved to Corsica to fulfill another dream but the theater is still running. If you happen to visit Fontainebleau, it is worth a detour.
Uncanny how you always manage to surprise me with insights that find resonance in me. Lately, I've been struggling with a couple of issues and your essay brought me relief and comfort - as much as hope. I like the whole essay, specially the passage at the end of it. Sometimes we emphasize the disadvantages, forgetting the advantages. In other hand, even what looks like a disadvantage, after all might turn out being an advantage in disguise...
PS your Dad must've been really brave, really desperate, really traumatised. Real trauma can devastate the rest of your life. And affect the kids too (as I'm sure you know only too well with your Mum Jeanette...) So good you got out
This really spoke to me today. Thank you so much for sharing your wise thoughts!
Thank you Jeanette, it is so stimulating to have a walk with you in your garden! My motto these years: What I can do—I will—
Though it be little as a Daffodil—
That I cannot—must be
Unknown to possibility—
Very thoughtful JW : ) And I'll try + be brief, no more marathon comments! I too prefer the contemplative life, I think you appreciate it more as you get older. Just peace and quiet, buried deep in books and surrounded by nature. But in a way we're both very lucky (another "yes but"?). And it's good to work towards the life you want. But many people work their guts out their whole lives and never get there. It's a very unfair world, a very hard world. We need to remember that, society is not set up for everyone to achieve their dreams. You're probably thinking "here we go again", I'm not trying to destroy the magic, just being a realist. Enjoy your home life, I know you've worked bloody hard to get there xx
Thank you Jeanette. Really enjoying these posts. In the words of diarist Anne Lister, “Believe all things not unreasonable, and hope all things not impossible.” I love your writing.
Loved reading this - one of the things I’ve always loved about reading is when you identify with a character or situation and understand the world or yourself a little more clearly. I’m a ‘gardener’, not always a successful one, but one who can wait and watch. Your last paragraph really resonated with me too - it put a smile on my face - what more can you ask for…. Thanks for this insightful piece. :)
Thank you for this beautiful post.
As a so called ‘late-discovery adoptee’, I loved your book about finding your original parents and about your feelings. They really chimed with me and were/continue to be a great help.
Thank you so much Jeanette Winterson. I inhaled this greedily as soon as it hit my inbox, as it's just what I needed to hear. I'm a Yes But, but I have been a Want It Now person, and I'm working my way back to somewhere in the middle.